The power of a group is a function of the purity of its motives.
Leaders need to engage “Crucial Moments”
Crucial moments are moments of disproportionate influence; moments where how someone behaves has an enormous effect
Crucial moments are defined by three dimensions:
- High Stakes
- Opposing Opinions
- Strong Emotions
The Principle of Crucial Conversations
Anytime you find yourself stuck, stop and ask: “What crucial conversation are we not holding or not holding well?”
When it matters most we tend to do our worst.
Two options when we come to a crucial conversation:
1) Talk it out.
2) Act it out. If you don’t talk it out you will act it out.
You can measure the health of a team by counting the number of undiscussables.
Your job as a leader is to model, teach and coach the crucial conversations that effect your mission.
The Three Crucial Moments In Churches:
1) Performance problems with volunteer or staff.
2) Members who are struggling in sin or disconnecting from the church.
3) Concerns with pastors.
Crucial conversations are either a pit or a path.
Crucial conversations held well are pathways to intimacy.
Crucial conversations are the core of a healthy culture.
Your job as a leader is to define the couple of conversations that most effect the health of your culture.
The vital behavior that enables most any positive organizational outcome is CANDOR at moments of acute emotional and political risk.
Seven Crucial Skills
1) Start with Heart
2) Learn to Look
3) Make it Safe
4) Master My Stories
5) State My Path
6) Explore Others’ Path
7) Move to Action
You have two tasks in the hazardous half minute of a crucial conversation:
- Create Mutual Purpose: Help them know that you care about their interests, problems and concerns almost as much as they do.
- Create Mutual Respect: They know that you care about them and fundamentally respect them.
People never become defensive about WHAT you’re saying. People become defensive because of WHY they think you’re saying it.
Myth: I can not tell the truth and keep a friend.