In Over My Head

I have the propensity to be perceived as…

calculated

controlling

having it all together

on top of it all

But honestly, most days I feel like I’m in over my head.

I desire be on top of it all… having it all together.  That’s comfortable.  I feel like I have control.  About the time I start to feel like I have control I somehow hear the voice of my boss and pastor whispering one of his most well-known quotes “the greatest of illusions is control”.

Whammy.

Back to square one.

This is another great grey leadership issue.  As followers of Christ, the most dangerous place for us to be is in a situation where we feel like we’ve got it all under control in our own abilities.  I believe God does his greatest work through us when we are aware of our limitations and have to trust and lean into Him for outcomes that are too big for us to tackle on our own.

2012 is shaping up to be a big year.  The plans and dreams ahead of us look daunting.  I wrestle with feelings of inadequacy.

Am I really the girl for the job?  Can I really do this?  What if I screw it all up?

But I believe this is also exactly where I should be.

Knowing that I can’t do it on my own:

1) Forces me to lean into a God that is much greater

2) Squashes any hit of pride that may try to creep in

3) Challenges me to work with a team and experience the blessing of community

The grey leadership lesson is that we must learn to manage the tension of being responsible for what we can, but being dependent enough to remain just enough “in over our heads” to know that it was God who worked through us to accomplish it all.

How are you learning to manage the tension of control vs. dependency?